The Day I Bought Noise-Canceling Headphones and Became a Better Parent
Age 43: Finally bought noise-canceling headphones.
Felt like I was failing as a parent.
Turns out, I was just becoming a better one.
For years, I white-knuckled through simultaneous meltdowns, the sensory chaos of family life, multiple competing needs, and the beautiful, overwhelming noise of neurodivergent childhood. My ADHD brain processing it ALL. While trying to parent. While trying to regulate. While trying to model calm I didn't feel.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking: "Other parents handle this fine. I should be more patient. Good parents don't need to escape."
Then I put on those headphones during overwhelming family moments.
Not to ignore anyone. To survive it.
Suddenly, I could be present without drowning. I could respond instead of react. I could parent from regulation instead of overwhelm.
I've worn Loop earplugs to my daughter's dance recital—where they apparently tried to make sure the whole city could hear the music through the brick walls. Not because I didn't want to be there, but because I wanted to actually be there, present and engaged, instead of sitting there overwhelmed and counting down the minutes.
The Guilt Hit Immediately
"I'm checking out."
"Real parents don't need breaks."
"I'm supposed to cherish every moment."
Ever denied yourself a parenting tool because it felt like admitting you can't handle your own kids?
Here's what took me too long to learn: When you're an ADHD parent raising neurodivergent kids, accommodations aren't just self-care. They're how you model self-advocacy.
My Current "No-Shame" Parenting Toolkit
Noise-canceling headphones (for overwhelm moments)
Loop earplugs (for events where I want to stay present)
Visual timers everywhere (for all of us)
Parallel play setup (we can be together separately)
Quiet corners in every room (regulation stations)
Movement breaks built into routines (not just for them)
Each tool I resisted "because good parents don't need help." Each one made me the parent my kids actually need.
The Real Breakthrough
My family has learned to recognize when I need these tools, and they've started advocating for their own needs too. When we normalize using what works for our brains, our kids learn they don't have to suffer in silence either.
The gift we give our neurodivergent kids isn't perfect parenting. It's permission to need what they need.
Fellow ADHD parents: What accommodation made you a better parent once you stopped feeling guilty about it?
Because here's the truth—our kids don't need us to be neurotypical parents. They need us to be regulated parents.
And sometimes, that means wearing headphones at the playground.
What's your "no-shame" parenting tool? Share in the comments—let's normalize what actually works.